No-one said Africa was easy!

I spent the vast majority of this weekend driving.

Not just anywhere, mind you - but all over the god forsaken backwaters of deepest, darkest Africa...(insert Jungle Drums and ululating maiden Sound effects here). I wish I could shout "Road-Trip" and start making "Thelma and Louise" comparisons, but to be honest the first part was work, and the second part was predominantly getting back from work...with a leisure stop off along the way.

Spending 7 hours dodging chickens and donkeys sort of give one a new perspective on things to be frank. I had sort of forgotten what i think it is that makes this country so special.

I need to clarify that I am indeed, one of those "bloody agents" that Julius and the brotherhood apparently wish to wheedle out of the country. I was born in the United Kingdom, and was dragged here kicking and screaming at the age of 8, and told to like-it or lump-it by my parents.

I like it!
A lot!
 So much in fact, that I choose to live here.
Yup - shock, gasp, clutch the pearls.

I could make Julius happy, and go back to the UK, I have the paperwork to go and join the rest of my family in Oz.

but, and here is the zinger....I don't think i want to, not right now anyway.


You see, the beauty of this country is its unpredictability.

Just when you think you have it all figured out, South Africa sort of acts like that bloke in the "Crying Game" who rips off his clothes (Zzziippppp .... Zzzinggggg) to reveal a shock twist in the tale.

Let me elaborate...

I drove from JoBurg to Polokwane - and got a speeding fine.


Why is that a good thing? Because i got one, and I am supremely chuffed about it.! I mean I ACTUALLY got the fine..not an extortion attempt.

The pleasantly mannered police office, whilst rather puzzled to see the fake dismembered arm adorning my dashboard (it's a street vendor prevention device - I strongly urge you all to invest in one immediately) never once attempted to solicit a bribe, or suggest I should buy him and his mates a cooldrink...he just did his job, courteously, politely and with a smile on his face.

Zzziippppp .... Zzzinggggg !

 I hit Polokwane and drove my luxury motor vehicle into the middle of a township, to stage an event for one of my clients. Not only was I deep in supposed "bloody agent disposal" territory, i was with one of my young female event managers, in a separate car.

I never once felt threatened, concerned, worried, panicked, stressed or dead!

Instead I have to admit to feeling genuinely invigorated at the urban energy seeping from every pore of the township.

I strongly suggest you try it! Its a blast!

Zzziippppp .... Zzzinggggg !

On the way out of Polokwane, I decided to head back to civilisation through the back roads, for an unscheduled Dullstroom drinkypoo. Why not!

En-route to Lydenburg I was forced to slow down at various stages of the journey. Not for traffic congestion, like the Londoners face, or the omnipresent Aussie Police.

Nope, this is Africa mate!
 
I slowed for a combination of swerving Taxi's, Clucking Chickens, Depressed Donkeys, the occasional Cow - and a Citi-Golf driver whose left rear wheel was firmly of the opinion that it could go further and faster if it was NOT attached to the car.

(It bounced into on-coming traffic before settling harmlessly gently near a street-side barber shop)






Through all of this activity, and becoming relatively up-close and personal to a vast range of South African's in the truest sense of the word...I realised that despite the potential for danger, I felt remarkably calm.

My blood pressure never rose beyond normal, and my temper never flared.

For all of its' faults, the people of South Africa have never ceased to amaze me... The drivers around me were obviously all of, erm, African descent - and were on the same journey, experiencing the same delays - and dodging the same livestock!

No one honked, hooted or shouted.
No one angrily waved a fist or furiously floored their Fiesta.
We all, sort of, just got on with it.


Zzziippppp .... Zzzinggggg !

No-one ever said Africa was easy.
But its a damn site better than rainy England or spoon-fed Australia!

I am going to Durban next week.
I am thinking of Driving...just for the experience!

Conversations with Gid

Hey, what do you know.

I got a call yesterday morning, from the Big Kulula Kahuna - Gidon Novick.

 First up - I have to say this... Kudo's to you Gidon for having the gumption to call. I am not sure there were many other options given the echo chamber surrounding official communications, but at least you picked up the phone and "reached out, as my American colleagues would utter.

So, all is well and good - and things return to normal...or do they?

You see, as glad as I am that Kulula eventually listened, I don't really have any answers - yet.


For your excitement, benefit, and the possible lawsuit coming my way (I'm kidding) the issues discussed with Gidon in a very civil manner included...

• Painting a picture Above-The-Line of a cuddly caring brand that is simply not warm and fuzzy to deal with, based on my experience. Brand Values need to resonate beyond the Billboard!
• Constant and lengthy delays above-and-beyond the call of duty at Lanseria.
• Blatant lies from the check-in staff who smile furiously behind their pancaked mascara, assuring all and sundry that flight MNxxx will indeed be departing so smack-bang on schedule its going to make your eyes water - only to be, well, delayed....a lot....really!

To Gidon's credit he assured me he would investigate these claims and get to the bottom of the dastardly deeds....

We also discussed the interesting cavity, that would frankly make Kimberly jealous, regarding the internal synchronicity (or lack thereof) between "online social media Kulula" and "frontline customer service Kulula". Ironically after my appreciated phone call, i received a letter from Kulula highlighting this issue even further.

Here's where the issue apparently lies...

So "Online Twitter Kulula" ask for my details, which i politely respond to.....

and.... here's the zinger ... "Frontline Customer Service Kulula" DONT KNOW who this is...?
W.T.F. as they eloquently say in the classics?

 

Lesson learnt here I think...
Ignore Social Media at your peril, BUT make sure you give Social Media the correct weighting to be effective.

In my humble opinion it is WAY more dangerous to engage customers thru a social media platform badly!

If you don't have the right people at the end of the tweet of Facebook page then DONT DO IT!,

Rather ignore it and stick your head in the sand - you can always feign ignorance, or threaten to turn Twitter off if your surname rhymes with "Palema" - ahem!

Anyway, all in all an interesting outcome.

As impressed as I was with the call, I will be MORE impressed if I get, a month from now, a follow up call from a Kulula minion giving me an update on the issues I managed to dangle in front of the CEO.

Now THAT'S worth celebrating!

Oh, and for the record, I flew to Cape Town this morning...from Lanseria.
We departed smack bang on schedule!

Kulula - Sorry seems to be the hardest word?

Hi Gidon,

Remember me.
Im the guy who rambled inanely about the lack of service your airline offered.
I was moderately angry at being delayed...again, from Lanseria - again.
Remember?

Oh....

The good news, Gidon is that your staff responded in the public domain REALLY quickly.

I got a polite, if factually incorrect response on Twitter. (they replied to a dude who retweeted by comments, not to me directly) - but the thought was there! He thoughtfully forwarded the tweet to me...

Then, Gidon - your social media team figured it out - and replied to my Twitter account directly.
First Class!

i replied to them with my e-mail address, Gidon!
Right away!

Oh, AND i got the mandatory "thanks for the feedback" post on your facebook page, assuring me someone would get back to me with an official response.

So as far as the public are concerned the concerned corporate has sprung into action!
Guess what Gidon, and you ARE going to laugh at this...really.


 Ill post here, verbatim, the actual response received in person from your caring, friendly, funny airline.
Here goes....
Ready....









Its not a broken link, Gidon!

Can you see the responses Gidon?
Anything at all?
Nope..... me neither!

Good hey!
At least we got to the bottom of the scheduling issue.
You really just don't care what people think!

At least i can update my previous blog....

Its not just your airline thats broken Gidon, your comms are stuffed too!

Its called the Currie Cup, Maria...not the Currie Mug!

I am the first to acknowledge times are tough, and the Roald Dahl-esque "GFC" has hurt a lot of companies - but over the weekend i was left thinking that there surely comes a time when its better to not do anything, than do it badly...

Alright, so let me pin my colours to the mast here...

Yup, I work in Sports Marketing.
Yup, I may occasionally be involved in large scale sporting events.
and ... YUP ... i'm a cynical bastard at the best of times.

But for crying in a bucket, has it really come to this?

Like the rest of the country, I settled down with my favorite bucket of cool-aid to watch the battle between Western Province and the Sharks in the "insert new sponsor here great deals now available" ...Stadium in Durbs.

Great match, although im not sure exactly when Western Province were going to start playing Rugby - apparently they had sent their under 13 girls hockey team to represent ZilleVille.

So - forgone conclusion wins hands down, and the Sharks walk it!
Great!

Back slaps and a few homoerotic manly hugs (including a rather disturbing roll on the floor by two players who shall not be named - you KNOW who you are), and as with all good global events, that Hugh kept reminding us at length was being broadcast to every rugby playing nation except Outer Mongolia, the stage is trundled out for the prize giving, logo backdrop and mandatory confetti shower.

All pretty formulaic and good...

As Twitter exploded with the usual 140 character rants about Shark Attacks and Mountain Goats, I watched with interest as Joel Stransky - wearing those naff Princess Leia headphones - started the Prize Giving ceremony.

All goes swimmingly (yup, i just did that) until my ears prick up as the Currie Cup runners' up step up to the hastily assembled stage to receive the fruits of their long hard, manly battle against a bunch of steroid fuelled man-mountains.

A mug!

.....?

Yup, i can see that taking pride of place in the trophy cabinet!
A fucking mug?

Really?

I hope it was at least a nice mug. I was thinking one of the porcelain Bavairan landscaped Beerfest ones, or possibly a nice little Mr Price Home coffee one with the pretty coloured striped around the neck?

If as runners up, they qualified for such a treasured prize, i can only imagine what the Sharks received during the handover ...a set of Braai tongs in a nice carry case maybe?
 
Come now Maria!!

 You were standing on stage, clutching a congratulatory "hat in perspex" handed to you by Oregon Hoskins.... shaking hands with 140kg of muscle and blood, clutching a MUG with your banks name on? Great brand values, and an even better example of why, occasionally its OK to say No.

Given the shake up of sport sponsorships at present, i guess we need to accept that as sponsorship budgets get tighter, greater innovation is called for.



I get it .. but not like this.
Its called the "Currie Cup", Maria - not the "Currie Mug"!

The moral of the story, Maria is quite simple.
If your name is on it, and your brand is integrally associated to it, the finer details are often AS important as the Logo on the Field or the Branded padding on the GoalPosts.

The devil's in the detail, Maria.
If you don't pay attention, you look like...well, a real Mug!

Now Anyone Can Fly - Just Not Right Now

An Open Letter to Gidon Novick - CEO of Comair / Kulula

Hi Gidon,

I am sure you are quite important, so I wont take up much of your time.

I run a business – I suppose a bit like you.

I travel for business – I suppose a bit like you.

I try wherever I can to ensure my business makes profit – I am sure you do too! 

I fly your airline..A LOT...somehow I severely doubt you do the same! 

I think the similarities stop there though.

I really enjoy marketing my company - but unlike you, I really do care that my brand values in reality meet or exceed the message i place in the public domain.

And you know what Gidon, sometimes just occasionally the condescending form letter apologising for yet another delay, yet insisting in the public domain that your Lanseria route operates within “acceptable” International norms is sometimes not enough.

I think Gidon, its a matter of opinion.

Lets be honest. “Acceptable” to a boatload of Vietnamese Boat Children would be getting to your destination without ingesting a third of the fellow passengers.

That’s “acceptable” yes, but is it OK? I can see the Discovery Channel special already!

In the same vein I guess, I don’t really care about international standards. I, as your average third world middle aged business traveler who only uses your airline because of the misguided opinion that Lanseria being five minutes from home would logically mean a quicker door to door transit time than the inconvenience of rush hour traffic, think “Acceptable” means slightly more.

Here's the zinger Gidon, your airline is broken...

...according to the passengers around me, all frequent delay-ees of the school of Kul...more than anyone deems “acceptable.

Hey, I should know, i am typing this from the luxurious splendor of Cape Town International having just been delayed for 90 minutes, after a 2 hour delay in the way down to Cape Town yesterday – and I paid R5,100 for the privilege of your delays.

Nope – not acceptable to me either I guess?

I know you are a very busy man Gidon, but if I were you I would come and sit in the seat next to me for a day, and listen to what the comments are from most of my equally professional passengers. I may be wrong, and I don’t understand a few of the profanities, but they – like me – seem to vigorously disagree with your comment on the state of affairs!

Hey, I don’t run an airline, I just do international events where tolerance for error and lack of planning is zero – you are the one with the hard job!

You need to plan for the unforeseen eventuality of a plane being diverted due to, apparently, a butterfly farting over Bethlehem? It seems that any reason will do....just don’t for god sake buck the trend and actually get it right! People would talk!

Now anyone really can fly, Gidon!
I just wish, occasionally, we could do it on time!